2010--A Year of Diligence

I have many bad habits. I don't how they crept up on me but they did. So this year I am calling it the The Year of Diligence. I want to be more consistent. Nothing big but I will focus on fixing the little things. Replacing bad habit with good ones. Oh yeah and throw in a few big things too. Here are the ten plus things I want done by the end of 2010:

1. Travel to Maui and spend a week on the beach!
2. Learn Spanish and be able to communicate to my patients
3. Pick up my violin again and Learn the Scottish Fantasy
   
4. Pass my CEN with flying colors.
5. Save $8,000 dollars this year that I don't touch.
   
6. Read a Book Every week.
   
7. Study the Book of Mormon from beginning to end.
   
8. Complete House Decorations--including painting.
   
9. Have 30minutes everyday to blog/journal/think.
   
10. Go Through the Temple on my 25th birthday
    
11. Get my butt in gear and get my weight down to 115lbs and maintain it with HEALTHY eating habits.
12. See Wicked again in New York City on Broadway.
13. Do one activity with each individual member of my family
14. Learn to Change my own car tire
15. Complete 15 Craft Projects--5 of which must be something completely new.

Those are the things I want to get done. Here are somethings I hope will happen:

1. I will magically feel better and sleep like a normal person.
2. My house will magically stay clean on its own.
3. I will start Grad School.
4. Lets face it meet a boy.
5. Be more patient with myself and people
6. Spend more time outside of work with people
7. Get half of my Mortgage paid off
8. Find that perfect balance in life to do it all.
9. I will grow 3 more inches and become 5 ' 5''
   

I know its adventurous. But hey its the unrealistic side of me coming out.

What Happened to 2009?

I can't believe its 2010 already. Seriously I still think it January sometimes. The older I get the faster time seems to fly by. Well instead of Christmas Cards I do New Year's Posts.

A Lot Happened in 2009. Unfortunately, me growing was not one of them. One day. One day. Many other amazing things happened though.

Best moments of 2009:

Seeing the life of a little boy change after surgeons spent 6 hours fixing his face. Caring for a man, who's life was about to change with the use of his arm. Spending a week in Virginia with my best friend, Sarah. Spending a week with friends fighting a powerful river. Helping Dani with her new little girl and playing with the other one. Traveling and spending time with family and friends who make a difference in my life. Spending the night with my sisters at the David Archuleta Concert.

Worst moments of 2009:

Watching a mother beg and plead for her 16 year old daughter to wake up after being shot in the face. Letting a friend go. Working 3-4 nurses short every shift this summer--can we say burnout! Fighting the feelings of failure.

Biggest surprise of 2009:

Finding out Sarah was going to Colorado, Tanner to South Carolina, Jordan to the Philippines, and Kevin to Brazil. Discovering Amber was going to have a little girl.

What I would change about 2009 if I could:

I wouldn't waste so much time. I would spend more time on my knees and in the scriptures. I would be more patient with myself. I would've spent more time with friends outside of work. I would've had more faith in my Savior, my Father--in His plan for my life.

Greatest accomplishment of 2009:

Paying off my car and having the deed in my hand. Traveling around Central America on a boat doing surgeries and meeting amazing people.

Quote of 2009:

There is significant truth in the notion that much of what happens to us is unexpected and not in our control. However—and this is most vital and critical to understand—the things of greatest ultimate importance to us are largely in our control and are within the scope of our agency.

Cecil S. Samuelson

We increase our love for our Heavenly Father and demonstrate that love by aligning our thoughts and actions with God’s word. His pure love directs and encourages us to become more pure and holy. It inspires us to walk in righteousness—not out of fear or obligation but out of an earnest desire to become even more like Him because we love Him.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Favorite movie discovered in 2009:

Star Trek, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince, Up, and Avatar

Favorite book discovered in 2009:
Catching Fire, City of Bones Series, Hush Hush, Demon King, Dragon Heir, Fire, Hourglass Door.

Favorite song discovered in 2009:
She is Love by Parachute; Waiting for Yesterday by David Archuleta; Evacuate the Dance Floor by Casacada; My Life Would Suck Without You Kelly Clarkson; Songs by Paramore

Most important spiritual thing learned in 2009:

Heavenly Father is there. He listens and answers even the smallest prayers. The Atonement is more than forgiveness--it is the power I need to change into who I need to become.

Scariest moment of 2009:

Buying my house in August. I have never spent that much money at one time or written that big of a check. While it has been one of the scariest moments this year--its also one of the most exciting. Also being made a Charge Nurse in the Emergency Room--yeah you would be scared too.

Most comforting moment of 2009:

Watching a sunrise after a rough morning, listening to a summer thunderstorm and dancing in the rain, taking a day for me to do nothing but read and think. Walking through the celestial room of the Draper Temple--feeling the peace and hope it has to offer.

Biggest thing I learned about myself in 2009:

It's okay if I'm not perfect. It's okay to relax. While I still seem to fight the same battles--I have a choice. I have the power to be who I want to be. Experience emotions for what they are and learn from them. Opportunities are out there for me if I am not afraid to take them. I am not alone in anything. I'm so not a Sarcastic person. Oh and I have a HUGE addiction to chocolate. Life is really what I make of it.

Crazy Elmers

I love it when my whole family gets together. The crazy Elmers all got together this week. I was shocked to look at how much older we are and yet we act the same. The noise level was noticeably reduced with Kevin and Jordan gone but it was still there. Luckily I had the days off work already so I played. Though the first day was in a drug induced coma.

We don't do anything horribly exciting. At one point 20 people surrounded the TV while we tried to kill a cougar on the Wii. Much screaming was involved. But hey we did it. We went to see Advatar--the adults did anyway. Weird now that I'm included in that activity. Dove bars were eaten. All the normal Elmer traditions.

The highlight was the girls party at my house. Crazy girls decided they would take over my house. Scary I know. Between truth or dare, sardines, the running and screaming, extra fun with make-up at three in the morning, and stuff everywhere we had fun. The entertaining part was watching them try to get the make-up off their faces. They were shocked to discover I could do it in one wash. Poor Jessie was passed out early--her birthday she spent sick. I maybe 24 but last night I got to be the fun side of 14 again. Luckily, they let me sleep in for a few hours before I had to head to work. A great way to end the year.

Why Are People Stupid??

Stupidity is my job security so I guess I shouldn't complain about it too much. But at times the whole world seems to lack in common sense.

Work has been weird lately. But tonight topped them. At 0200 I get a call over the radio that lifeflight is going out on a call. Turns out a few people thought they could drive drunk around the canyon and get away with it. Yeah not so much. Flipping a car into the river is not the most intelligent thing in the world. But they did it. 3 Traumas later they were all still drunk but alive.

In addition to these 3 dorkwads I had another intelligent being decide to flip his car, from which he was ejected, and have it land of top of him. Poor guy we were getting glass out of every inch of skin for a long time. What scared me is the people they could have killed. Stupid people.

In addition to all this chaos we also had calls for another heart attack, a septic patient, and people crowding my waiting room. Oh I was SO excited to leave the crazy ER that night. Once again having no hope in society.

Birth of Christ

Christmas is one of my favorite Holidays. Though is sneaks up on me more now that school is over and the days all blur together. I love the reminder Christ is the center. He is the love and hope I should base my life on and help others to understand. He gives me so much. I can never hope to repay Him for everything. But with His help I hope I can give more of myself this year.

As I get older I find it gets harder to find quiet time. Just to let my head clear and listen. My ADD might have something to do with that. I didn't find a lot of time this year but I did think about Mary, the Mother of Christ. I can't even imagine how she must have felt to be told she would give birth to the Savior. Her faith is such an example to me. At that time just to stand up and say I will do it. I'm sure she was mocked, shunned, and discarded during her life. Especially in the beginning. But she stuck to her word and did her part to fulfill her mission. I know I can't begin to understand how she felt, but I can imagine pretty close. She is an example of the woman Heavenly Father needs. One I need to become.

Christmas is about Christ. His birth and life. I know He lives. I know He is always there supporting me when I don't think I can do anything. I am beginning to understand the Atonement. How if I let him the Savior can use the Atonement to change who I am. Which to me is the purpose of Christmas--to change our hearts for the better.

Christmas with My Family

Every once in a while it hits me I am getting older. On the other hand I have moments where I get to feel like a child again. Christmas Eve is a time to do for both. After starting my Christmas Eve shift with an eighteen year old punk we wrestled and tied down--he kicked and spit on me--I was attempting to be filled with Christmas Spirit. After a few hours of sleep I was too excited and drove to Highland--man the sun is bright!

Once inside Christmas really started to feel real for me. Why? My family was there in all the craziness they are. Of course I walked up to the tree and found my presents, felt shook, and tried to guess what they were. Yes, in some ways I will never grow up. All the girls decided to go see The Princess and the Frog. A Disney Classic--brought to mind Little Mermaid, Beauty & the Beast, and Aladdin. The kids around us were laughing and having a blast with it. Why can't more Disney Movies be like this one?

My family is amazing--it took a lot of pushing and convincing to celebrate Christmas tonight. This way I could some sleep before work and talk to Kevin :D My favorite part was sitting around the piano singing Christmas songs. Weston even got into it dancing and singing along. My mom is one amazing woman who gives up so much for us. Reminding us that family and the Savior are the reasons why Christmas is so important.

After changing into Pajamas, I don't think I've opened Christmas presents in my real clothes since I was born, the excitement began. Kristi & Kalli were practically screaming. Weston just kept saying, "open presents." He caught on real quick. I opened my stocking to find a gift certificate to help with my curtains and pillows for my front room. Chocolate--a must. One of the traditions we have is watching each other open our presents. Kalli of course was freaking out. I had her for Christmas this year. Teenage girls are easy to shop for. Jacob New Moon Posters, a bookmark, and hair products later she was squealing. I love my new apron, Christmas kitchen stuff, Burts Bees products, Christmas story, and new curtain money. Weston of course kept asking for more and more presents to open. I think he helped everyone. One thing that's fun about getting older is being to get your parents presents. My parents were spoiled this year. Of course my dad out-shined us all when he brought out the Wii. It practically consumed the rest of the night along with the Eggnog. Somehow its good to know that even though we are all getting older we can still all act like kids when we get together.

The Piece That Was Missing

Do you ever have that feeling that something is missing in your life you just don't know what? I've been feeling that a lot lately. Only I didn't know why until I went home yesterday and picked up the instrument that helped shaped my life--my violin. I still remember the first time I held & played a violin--the thing was small trust me. I'm sure I drove my parents and siblings crazy with the horrible screeching--it drove me crazy when I first started teaching. But from there I learned to perform like a pro and to play with my heart. Many tears were shed during the whole learning but somehow in high school I came to love playing. Lois Stout was an amazing teacher who taught me not only to play the notes but to perform the song. I decided my senior year not to make my violin my career. As a result nursing school took over and my violin was faded into the background. I would still pull it out and goof around with it. My violin came to Rexburg to Provo to Orem to Highland again.

Yesterday, I went home to help with a paper and say hi. Kalli pulled out my violin--she's been playing it as well--and performed a song with Kristi. Stupid talented sisters what am I going to do with them!! Afterward I picked up the violin and began to play--its amazing how it can all come back without much effort--yes I'm rusty, but the passion and love all came back. How I miss playing. I didn't even know I had missed playing so much until then.

It will take me a while, but I am going to buy another violin. I've already got the songs I want to learn. I hope to get in an orchestra again.

Vivian's Arrival

I have a new niece! She's not by blood but she might as well be. Vivian Mishawna Millecam was born today at 0850. Dani was scheduled to be induced at 0600 anyway but Vivian wanted to show her parents who was really boss. After carrying around my phone with me for a few weeks just in case, of course I would forget it the night she calls me. Dani is a tough girl. Once I got there her contractions were getting closer together and coming harder.

Sending them off I stayed with Nicki. The crazy girl let me sleep in til 0900. Giving me at least a few hours of sleep. From there we had a party. We watched Lilo & Stitch, colored pictures, played with play-dough, and ran around. Oh can I just say how much I love nap time. My brain was exhausted. Apparently my current life-style isn't the best for entertaining a 2 year-old. She makes me laugh though. My purse is a fantastic toy.

The highlight of the day was taking Nicki to see her new baby sister and her parents. Nothing is sweeter than holding a brand new baby. So clean and pure. I have to say thank you to Dani and Todd for letting me be a part of their family. Vi looks like her dad, has set of lungs, and a sweet older sister who will watch out for her. Welcome Vi, you already have an incredible family.

Back to Life Back to Reality

My addiction has taken over me this week. I promised myself--you can't buy another book until the new year. Yeah like all my good intentions lately it lasted a grand total of 4 days. Then I talked to Kierston, who is a newly published author herself, who suggested a few amazing books. So in the last week I have read 3 books and gotten lost in their worlds. Unfortunately, getting lost in false reality's prevents one from living in the real reality.

Most of the time its not a bad thing, I live and work in this reality but a few days awake I escape to the worlds of wolves, fairies, wizards, and demons. Can you blame me really?? Well, reality hit me today I have a brutal, cruel, and demeaning test in one week. Yes, ONE week!! I will take the GRE, which will help to determine where my next of life will take me. I'm slowing tackling my list one thing at a time. Though it kills me I must part with my other worlds and study vocabulary I will never use, math I will soon forget, and write like I once had too. Wish me luck!!

Today is the Day I Turn 24

Today I turn 24, that's right the uneventful well into my 20's, 24. In Celebration, I thought I would tell you 24 amazing events, facts, things, and people that have shaped me into who I am today.

1. Of course my parents--I would not even be here without them, their love, and their support. They have encouraged me, challenged me, and have always seen me as who I can be and not let me settle for less.
2. My Violin I began at age 5--this instrument taught me a lot and helped me appreciate music on a level I would not have. Oh how I miss you.
3. Competed in the Utah States Jr. Miss Competition September 2003--pushing me to dance, walk gracefully in heels, and build confidence in myself I didn't know existed.
4. Pete is my love. I finished paying him off a year ago. Pete is my beautiful blue Honda Accord. So when I say For the Love of Pete, I mean my car.
5. Traveling—while expensive is my favorite hobby. Nothing like helping you to figure out yourself than to see how small you are compared to the rest of the world. To see the beauty the world has. I still have Italy, Spain, Ireland & New Zealand left to hit.
6. Nursing school--a time in all honesty is a blur. I have no doubt I was meant to be the nurse though. I've learned my strengths through this field and am constantly challenged to learn more.
7. I’m a visual person so pictures say more than words. Hence why I love photography. One day I will be better at it.
8. Starting in the ER June 2007--I can't believe I've been doing this for 2.5 years and they had the crazy thought to put me in as a charge nurse. I've grown in this job. My maturity and immaturity in many ways has changed. I know I have become desensitized to many things, only for my own protection. But I can handle stressful situations; now feel comfortable standing up for those who need it; can cry and support those who’s lives have been shattered; learned to control my emotions for the proper time; and begun to develop a love that can only resemble how the Savior must love us. I’m not perfect and need to learn so much more but I have changed so much just from working here.
9. Dani and Sarah are two friends who have helped me in unbelievable ways. Both have had challenges in their lives and have come out amazing people.
10. I blame Dani entirely for my shoe faddish—yes Dani I still have the shoe boxes in the closet picture for proof.
11. A dream of mine is to play in an orchestra for a movie soundtrack and to be able to dance like they do on So You Think You Can Dance.
12. I collect Nativity Scenes—my favorite are my Willow tree set and the set carved for me in Africa with ebony wood.
13. I am not myself in big crowds. I would rather face a bloody nasty trauma and the family then go into a room of complete strangers.
14. I an addict. Yes, I’m even a little OCD about my books. I love getting lost in their worlds and bringing the Characters to lifein my head.
15. Traditions are important to me. Everything from movie night with dad on birthdays to Muppet Christmas Carol with eggnog on Christmas Eve.
16. Within my possession is a broad collection of Instrumental Movie Soundtracks. Hans Zimmer is a brilliant composer.
17. Christmas is my favorite season. I love coming up with presents for everyone that will really make them smile. The whole world to some degree sees the Savior and the hope he provides for the world. Plus the decorations, smells, and stories. I still wake up early on Christmas morning and go through my stocking before my parents get up.
18. Being on a boat for a month doing humanitarian work will change anyone. So many lives changed. Inspired me to get my butt in gear and start my Masters degree in Public Health. Which leads me to my ultimate goal:
19. I want to travel the world—mostly in third world countries teaching and caring for those who never have access to health care. With my Masters I want to start a humanitarian organization nonprofit whose focus is to teach and educate.
20. Scott, Amber, Mark, Kevin, Kristi, Kalli & Weston. All I need to do is spend time with them to be reminded how much a part of me they are. Each have taught me and allowed me to just be me. My favorite memories are with my family.
21. The lack of sleep was my first clue to adulthood. Now it is my favorite thing to do because I never seem to get enough of it.
22. When I was baptized as a child, they filled the font to tall so my short little self couldn’t touch the bottom. My dad had to carry me to the middle and back again. I still remember that day one because of the water problem and two because of the amazing gift I was giving.
23. I LOVE BLANKETS & FUZZY SOCKS! Yes, the fall and winter are my favorite time of year because I can cuddle up all nice and warm with a cup of hot chocolate and a book.
24. I love to learn. I know my Heavenly Father & my Savior love me. With the knowledge I have stayed close to them, understood my life a little better, and had the courage to do things I never would have.
    
    

I’m so close to being a menace to society.

A Day With Wes

Scott and Amber made a weekend out of his law school interview--can't say I blame them I would have stayed longer. Weston was stuck with me for the day. After two hours of sleep I hear the little stomping of Weston's feet coming up the stairs, then a little voice saying, "Osa's Bed, Big Bed." Crazy kid. Then the day started. For me, kinda of a new experience. We watched Cars, at popcorn, colored, squished some play dough, buried ourselves in teddy bears, read some stories, sung Snowman over and over and over, ran around BYU to have lunch with Mark, and did not take a nap. I may be biased but I have the cutest nephew in the world. Only a few mishaps--he slammed his hand in the door when I turned my back. He cried with big old tears saying mommy daddy mommy daddy til I pulled out his Binky, blanket, and bear. Thank goodness for blankets and teddy bears.



By 2:30pm I was exhausted. Of course Weston, despite his yawning and eye rubbing, refused to take a nap. Home was the best option. Especially with mom home from work and dad chilling on the couch. We named the animal and truck sounds the whole ride to Highland. He promptly ran into the house screaming for Grandpa. Me, I crashed on the couch and woke up 2 hours later. My appreciation and amazement for my co-workers has grown. I tried to Weston's routine the same but it didn't work very well. Needless to say he went to bed early after mooching off all our snacks :D. I love that kid. Thanks Scott & Amber for trusting me with him for a day!

Dear Santa

Hey Santa, I know its been a while since I've actually written you. I apologize--I went through a few years of trying to be a responsible grownup. But the more I think about it the more I see who you are and what you do for people. You don’t exist in the way I originally thought. However, I see your influence and joy everywhere this time of year. Santa I do believe in you. I already have so much, I really don't need more. So I propose a trade. If I give you a few gifts this year, will you help me find a few things I need help with. I know you are capable of miracles.

First, if I try really hard help me to be kind. To see beyond the outside shells of people and to see them as they need to be.

Second, help me to see how to best serve the people I encounter. From my friends, to my family, to strangers. Let me see what I can do to make their lives better.

Third, help me to know where to go and what to do. So many choices so many directions. Help me to see those people in my life who are here to help.

In exchange I promise to give a few gifts of myself:

First, I promise to step up to the challenges. To not back down or avoid the opportunities that will help me grow and discover of who I am.

Second, I promise to give of my time to appreciate and enjoy this time of year. To give myself to developing those skills I don’t have and to help those people I can. Turning off all those noisy electronics and sitting by my Christmas Tree thinking of why I really celebrate Christmas—My Savior.

Third, I promise to let people help me. To push aside my pride and shield and allow others to see the crazy me.

I know it might be a lot. But I don’t really need anything else—maybe a shiny ring too but I can wait for that. Oh what kind of cookies do you want this year. Because I thought I would leave some truffles instead.

Love,

Melissa

Little Heroes

Children are My Heroes.

One of my first patients at work was a five-year-old girl whose dog jumped out of its kennel and chewed on her face. She simply sat there coloring and wiping her poor face with a piece of gauze. She wouldn't let me give her some pain medication. Unfortuately her parents were just the opposite. The grandparents were arguing. Mom was sobbing. Dad was yelling at mom to be quiet. All were going on about how they had shot the dog and it was dead. This blue-eyed blonde-haired little girl loved that dog and did for 3 years. I'm not an expert in child psychology but she looked sad and scared during this whole conversation. This traumatized 5 yr old was acting more mature than her parents and grandparents. She did wave as they took wheeled her to the OR. Children just make my job!

Another hero was an 18 yr-old who while showing off--he dunked a basketball, hung on the rim, then decided to slip and fall right on his arm. The result--his humerous snapped in half and totally dislocated. I have seen grown men cry more than he did. On the upside his bicep was massive--he was proud of that. Despite the movement, splinting, and wrapping I did not see a single tear or attempt to hit me. He simply and calmly asked for some pain medication til he walked out the door. Good to know not all the big boys (he was over 6ft tall) are babies.

I contrast these to the MANY overdoses that walked and rolled through the doors yesterday. In nursing I'm still considered a newbie. However, I'm not an idiot. When I've seen you everyday for a week and you ask for the same thing and come in for the same reason come on!!! My patient yesterday came in completely stoned. I gave narcan; low and behold he woke up and talked to me!! Shocker I know. Literally the first words out of his mouth, "My hip hurts! I haven't slept in days! Can I get something for the pain?" How dumb do you think I am? The stories always change his had over and over and over. People wonder why I have lost my faith in humanity. Try battling druggies over and over. Don't hit on me, yell at me, or threaten to sue me. I'm not stupid. Go get your fix elsewhere.

Hence the reason Children are my Heroes--they often out shine adults in how we should behave.

A Renewed Love--David Archuleta

The Oh Holy Ticket

Kristi and All Her David Pride

I Love these Girls!!

Tonight I fell in love all over again. I still remember watching David Archuleta in American Idol and bugging Kristi about him losing. I loved his voice and I'm just amazed how deep and mature it is. Tonight I took my hilarious little sisters to a concert I know they loved. David Archuleta's Christmas Tour started off at the Abravanel Hall tonight. Kristi, Kalli, and I sprinted up using trax and sat row 11 in the Hall. Its a beautiful venue--one I have missed performing in. I don't really know what I was expecting but I LOVED the concert. The anticipation and excitement almost exploded when David came out to sing one of my favorite songs, Waiting for Yesterday. He still seems like a slightly more confident, down-to-earth, 18 year-old. The whole first half he was singing, dancing, and playing into the crowd. I don't think I sat down the whole first part. Funny story-a grumpy couple a row behind were so upset they couldn't see with everyone standing they left before the Christmas songs even started!! The girls in the crowd of course were going crazy and screaming in decibels only dogs can hear. I stood up in isle for most of the concert and stole some video and pictures of his whole performances.

My Favorite songs:

1. Prayer of the Children--ever since I sung this song in 9th grade I have loved it. I really HOPE he records because his version was beautiful.
2. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas--He sung this with his Mother. One of my best Christmas songs.
3. O Holy Night--so sweet and beautiful, really showed off his voice.
4. Waiting For Yesterday--Yeah nothing more to say
5. Zero Gravity--I hadn't heard this one and think it might be a necessary addition to my collection.

Overall, I could not have had a better time. I am starting to celebrate Christmas now with the music, yeah I have his Christmas CD already. I can't wait to see him again.

Singing with Kurt Bestor

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas with Mom

Yeah we are all smiles here!

Grateful for My Brain & Body

Haha so my brain, at the moment, is a bit tired. We also have a bit of a love/hate relationship--as long as I sleep occasionally, eat plenty of chocolate/caramel, and have a conversation with someone in the real world we get along great. She lets me read without passing out, relax and watch my favorite TV shows, and function at work when I need her most. Its the happy balance I'm am still searching for. I am grateful for her though. I'm not the smartest person in this world but my brain and helped me achieve some pretty amazing things. I continue to love to learn and study and develop her in many ways from nursing to crafts to writing to figuring out a lot of things. Either way I am grateful for the crazy, quirky, inquiring mind I have.

Like most women these days I have not always loved my body. We've had our battle and continue to have times where we hate each other. But to me there is nothing more fascinating than the human body. I've seen some horribly destructive things done and yet our bodies still heal. Babies are precious and amazing. Just think of everything your body goes through on a daily basis. What it does automatically so you don't have to even think about it. How is heals and handles everything we do to them. So while at times I hate what my body does to me--some of it is payback for what I do to it--nothing is more beautiful. No wonder it is Heavenly Father's greatest creation on this Earth.

My New Love

I love the moments when I get to resort back to my teenage years--okay stop laughing I know I never left them. Today I went with Kristi and Kalli to the New Moon Movie. Yes, it's a bit cheesy. Yes, its overrated. Yes, Edward is still hideous. Yes, I'm in love. You would truly have to be a girl to appreciate it. But like my sister I have a new love. Jacob. In the books I was torn between Jacob and Edward. Not anymore--the movies have convinced me Jacob is the only choice. Kristi and Kalli sat next to me and I thoroughly enjoyed myself through the movie. Edward killed the ending a bit for me. Jacob is my new celebrity boyfriend. I only have 3, so 4 is manageable. A new boyfriend, an afternoon with my sisters, and ended the day with a trip to the chocolate fair--how could I ask for a better day.

Greatful for My Time of Life

I'm a bit thick-headed. I need a lot of reminders. Today and everyday I am thankful for my stage of life. Don't get me wrong there are many times when I am frustrated, lonely, stressed, annoyed, and stuck. Rather than focusing on how different my life has turned out from "The Plan," I see how amazing it really is.

In case you were wondering "My Plan" was the following: I would start nursing school, meet some guy my last year, start working for year supporting my husband through his school, have my first kid after completing my Bachelors, work one day a week to keep my skills up.

Instead I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who is much wiser than me for not letting "my plan" happen. Instead I have been able to travel the world, develop my patience, pick some new skills, create memories with my siblings, meet some amazing people who have changed my life, buy a house, spend my money how I want, develop my leaderships and nursing skills, serve on a navy ship, and sleep every once in a while. If you knew me in jr. high school and high school I was a bit odd, small self-esteemed book nerd. I've discovered so many new things about myself I wouldn't thought possible. Which I guess is kinda the point right?

CURTAINS, MIRRORS, & CLOCKS OH MY!

Ever since the stupid sun started waking me up during the day--we have had a continual argument for the last three years--I've wanted to put curtains up. After shopping an awesome deal at walmart and coupons at Joanns--I HAVE MY CURTAINS. They are the special brand that has the extra layer to block out sunlight. To show my independence I put them up myself. I'm sure all the builders in my life will cringe when they see them--I, however, think it looks pretty good. With the pencil in my hair and the measuring tape out all over the place, I felt like a pro. The green is gorgeous and matches my bedspread. One day I will go to school for interior design--in the mean time I rely on the amazing talents of my friends to help me.

In addition to all my construction work I've discovered more fun for my house. I went with Amanda today to new favorite stores--Tai Pan and Rod Works. Where I found a few Christmas/Winter Decorations, a big mirror that matches my color scheme perfectly, and a big clock I love. Simple joys make a big difference in life. These things made my day--plus I did it myself which made it even better.

Grateful for ER Land

My job is hard, crazy, rewarding, looney, stressful, draining, disturbing, irritating, taxing, productive, gratifying, productive, beserk, wacky, touching, life-changing, and so much more.
I've seen some heart-wretching things lately. Babies having to be coded and not being able to save them after doing everything we could. A toddler being crushed by a car and having serious injuries out of our care. Watching a family say goodbye to their father who had the WORST, massive brain bleed and no hope of survival. Missed delivering a baby in the ER by a few seconds. Watching a mother silently cry over the body of her tiny baby. A family start to understand that their lives are no longer the same after saying goodbye to their mother. Sometimes its hard to go back out there.

I often for get how taxing my job is until it manifests itself in other areas on my life. Like waking up in a panic after watching my nephew fall 8ft and not get up or not sleeping much at all. Losing my patience quickly with stupid people, not showing compassion when I know I have it in me.

However, despite this I love it. Its unbelievable in many ways. But rewarding in so many others. I see people at their worst and when they are most vunerable. So yes, I have been yelled at and called many names--hence the shell--but I have also given hugs, handed out tissues, and said I'm sorry this happened to you. I've helped miserable little kids smile when they don't feel good. Lets face it everyone love me when I come in with the good pain medication. I've done things no one else could.

My co-workers make it worth while. I admire these people so much--they are a support and strength in and out of work. They put up with me when I cry, laugh, be grumpy, go completely crazy, and am at my wits end. Overall I'm glad to have a job that allows me to make a difference one way or the other.

I Am Greatful For Tender Mercies

Yeah I should be asleep right now but I can't so I thought I would point out a few of the tender mercies I am grateful for:

1. Chocolate Mint M&Ms
2. Cuddling up with my blankets & pillows on my squishy bed
3. Fuzzy socks and how they keep my feet warm during the winter
   
4. Massages every month
5. A Bookshelf full of books
6. Sunday Nights with a fancy Dinner and catching up on DVR.
7. Being able to sleep--not being cursed with my insomnia night
8. My Whole LDS Reference collection on my Itouch
9. Hanging my own curtains
10. Cute boy smiling at me
11. Daily phone calls with my patient mom
12. Random text messages from my siblings
13. Hugs from my dad
14. Dancing around my room singing to my itunes collection
15. Blogs--the place I record my crazy thoughts
16. Heating pads
17. Hearing "osa" come out in Weston's cute voice
18. Decorating for Christmas--yes I am resisting this at the moment!
19. Gentle Reminders about what these Holidays are really about
20. The courage to change my eye-makeup
21. Flowers I buy myself
22. Costco--yeah no need to say more
23. Inspirational Quotes by wiser people than me
    
24. 3 inch knee high Black Boots
25. Friends who are just like me
    

Grateful for Who I Am

Its taken a while and even though there are many aspects about myself I don't like--my height, my shyness in new groups, my laziness, my bad habits, and a few other things--I've discovered something about myself. I am a Daughter of God, which is pretty cool. I have someone who is always there watching me, someone who is there to push me and challenge me, someone who loves me no matter what I do, someone who is there to listening to me laugh or cry. I am a daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, friend, and co-worker to some amazing people who have touched my life and are there for me when I need it. I am a nurse who has the opportunity to touch ans save lives every shift--even if I leave exhausted every time. I am a homeowner--all the fun and challenges that come with bills and decorating. I am someone who loves photography, the violin, movies, books, hot chocolate--or lets face it any chocolate, preserving memories, organizing, fuzzy socks, laying around in my pajamas, doing my craft projects, trying new things, and sleeping. I am someone who is comfortable just being me and not afraid to make a fool of myself. Some Times I just need to remind myself of it.

Did I mention I like sugar?