The Never Ending Battle

A few years ago I was diagnosed with Mononucleosis a.k.a. the kissing disease. You can imagine all the fun jokes and remarks made after that but it made sense. Only by this time they told me it was labs indicated it was not the first time I had had it. By this time I was done with nursing school and starting my Bachelor's degree and a new job. My symptoms included:

1. Never ending fatigue--which I justified from the starting the night shifts
2. Decreased appetite/ nausea
3. Sore Throat--I had gianormous tonsils at the time.
4. Headache
5. Bodyaches
6. Low grade fever
7. Swollen Lymph nodes/neck pain

The biggest thing was feeling lightheaded and almost fainting every time I stood up in addition to the fatigue. Some fun facts about mono is that you can never get rid of the virus and there is no cure for it. With me working a ton lately I have started in with many of those symptoms. I justified them all for a while. It wasn't until my mom pointed out I needed to be careful or my mono would come back. Well, I think its back anyway. I have not taken care of myself and now I'm paying the price. No energy is hard to deal with. I might just be a baby but the nasty headaches and lack of energy isn't helping my mood either. So now I am putting myself first and getting healthy again.

Desperately Searching For A Balance

I don't know if everyone else has this problem but I've struggled lately with finding a balance in my life. I know its all apart of being a grown up but its still bites. Between work, my hobbies, sleep, my health, sleep, church,and my pretend social life something is always neglected. My health has been neglected the most I think along with church. How does everyone else do it because I've been failing at it lately?

Rexburg Idaho Temple

Crash Trip To Rexburg Idaho

These days it seems that my family doesn't get together enough. I know it happens with everyone growing up and such-- but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Its been a busy few weeks but I manage to bribe & beg people to take my Friday night shift. Friday morning I woke up after 3 hours of sleep and picked my brothers up from Provo and headed to Rexburg, Idaho. I haven't been up there for years. Needless to say I was a bit grumpy on the car ride up. Excedrin does wonders. With my brothers blasting their speakers in the background and them dancing I laughed. Driving up there brought back flashbacks. The place has grown a ton but I still know my way around. I lived with the Pughs and crash their house many times during college. My uncle makes the best hot fudge and chocolate cake. Amber, Kalli, my Mom & I went to walk around campus and the Temple. I shoved back horrible memories of scenarios and never ending tests. I haven't seen the Temple since it was built. Another temple off my list--I have a goal to see every temple in the world. The Pughs, My Family and the Elmers all showed up and we got a picture together. The best part was the boys. I have missed playing with Weston. All the boy cousins went to DI and bought bright green T-Shirts. They of course went and played all kinds of weird games. We saw them driving up hanging on the outside of the suburban "getting dry" as the drove down the street. Brain damage. Oh well, its why they have guardian angels. The trip was less than 24 hours and I barely made it in time for work. It was long enough. I don't remember much of the ride home--Scott & Amber drove for me. I do remeber Weston hitting me in the head a couple times though. Time for another road trip I think.

Mark, Jordan, & Kevin Helping Me Stay Awake

My Old Nursing Lab




BYU-Idaho Campus




Crazy Elmer Boys


The Elmer/Pugh Clan


You would think I would not Qualify as a "kid" anymore

Some Boys Never Grow Up



Cool Weston and How we Spent the Ride Home

Harry Potter & Half Blood Prince

I have been waiting for this movie to come out all summer. I bought my tickets for the midnight showing a few weeks ago and kidnapped my brothers to come with me. Levi, Crystal, Mark, Kevin, Jordan & I and met at the theater in American Fork at 2230. I laughed as we drove up at all the costumes people we wearing. Apparently being there 1 1/2 hours early wasn't enough because we ended up sitting front row. The best part was the previews. Midnight crowds are always over enthuiastc. When the preview for New Moon came up I must admit I screamed along with all the girls. Yeah I look forward to Jacob--I am a Jacob fan for the movies ALL the way.

I loved Harry Potter--except the ending. My favorite part of the book is the ending where they fight and have Dumbledore's Funeral--both were cut out. The special effects were awesome and the Inferi--creepy. Still, I can't wait to see it again. Though I think its time I read the books again. Get lost in the Potter world.

ER Trip to the Zoo

With work being so crazy lately I decided I needed to play with my amazing coworkers. This month's adventure was Hogle Zoo. I remember going there as a kid. Drinking out of the Lions mouth drinking fountain.

The adventure started after me getting up after 3 hours of sleep and picking up my adopted siblings, Alexis and Tyler. I of course got lost on the way up. But hey we made it and started to explore the animals. A lot of people showed up with their kids, so I got to play with them. Lunch was great--chicken nuggets in animal shapes & french fries. The Tiger was mean and didn't come out. The eagles and owls were my favorite though. During the bird show, the eagles flew across the crowd and a parrot would not stop talking. The rest weren't quite the same after seeing them in Africa. I loved playing with everyone outside of work.

Amanda, Chole, Becky Eating Lunch

Amber and her adorable Kids

Cute Chole

My Lunch--Yes, I got a Kids Meal

I Love this Amazing Birds

Alexis on the Tiger

How You Know You Are An ER Nurse

Work has been crazy this week. I continue to orient as a TL and all the chaos and stress that it creates. Nobody has died yet and I still above water. We are so short at work I have been picking up so many extras shifts. If you're wondering why I haven't surfaced--that's why. After being at work so much I have discovered a few things to show I am an ER Nurse.

1. When you see motorcycles or ATVs you think " job security."
2. People without helmets on are labeled as organ donors.
3. When Provo or Orem Ambulance calls you at 0300 you know its an overdose or drunk person.
4. You lose all faith in society as a whole.
5. You understand what the teeth to Tattoo ratio is.
6. You have every weekend free planned for the next 6 months, because they are rare.
7. You automatically assume the patient is a drug seeker when presented with the complaint of migraine, lower back pain, chronic myalgia (choose one of the above), a list of numerous allergies to meds (except Demerol), and the statement that the family doctor is from out of town...
8. You roll your eyes when the person in "the worst pain ever!" is laughing while out in triage.
9. You laugh when people call and demand to talk to the neurosurgeon.
10. You acknowledge that some people should not be allowed to reproduce.
11. You eat popcorn/chili/ or whatever is on the counter out of a bedpan or emesis basin.
12. You have wanted to kick the patient who repeatedly calls you nurse, even though you have a name tag on.
13. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "wow, it's really quiet" is uttered...
14. Your lunch break consists of graham crackers and milk in between enemas and foley caths.
15. You check to see what size IV you can place in the veins of strangers
16. You think that taking pills is not the best way to commit suicide.
17. You ask once again, what has changed in the last 2 hours to bring you in at 0200 for a problem that has bugged you for the last 10 years.
18. You have had to excuse yourself quickly to go laugh around the corner.
19. After taking care of a moldy foot you still have an appetite.
20. You get sick of the question, "What is the most disgusting thing you have ever seen?" while thinking you really DON'T want to know.
    
21. You think Haldol is the best drug ever invented.
22. You want to hurt the person who gave your psych patient the call light.
23. You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there !"...
24. You take bets on how high your regular's ETOH level is.
25. You laugh as your patient wakes up mad after you gave them narcan, and say they've been clean for a year.
26. Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
27. Your idea of a weekend is when you have more than one day off in a row.
    
28. You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.
29. You get home and realize your pockets are full of medications, alcohol swabs, needles, and NS flushes.
30. You realize when doing your laundry that 90% of it is scrubs.
31. You refuse to watch ER or any other medical show because all you do is yell at the TV.
    
32. You groan every time you hear an ambulance and say thank you to not be at work.
33. You don't panic over almost anything anymore. Blood is no big deal.
34. You can tell the difference between a seizure and when the patient is faking.
35. You have a list of people who are allowed to put a foley in you when you come in as a trauma.
36. You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see...
37. Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat...
38. You roll eyes when your patient says, "Morphine doesn't work for me. Only the one that starts with a D. D D D Dilaudid?"
39. You curse the shifts that land on a Full Moon and Christmas.
40. You aren't surprised when your overdose patients throws up the charcoal and it hits the ceiling. Luckily you are gowned and gloved ahead of time.
    
41. Your family members have to have a fever of at least 105 or be missing a limb with active bleeding in order to receive your sympathy...
42. You know all the cops and paramedics in the city.

43. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control...

44. You want to kick the patient who thought that by coming by ambulance makes them more important than your heart attack next door.
    
45. You keep your mouth shut when the patient asks if this is the first IV you've ever done.
46. Just because you say, my doctor sent me here, does not mean you get right back to a treatment room.
47. Although you’ve been in the ER four time this week, you cannot list the ER doc as your family physician.
48. Don’t tell me you have no money for medicine while you have a carton of cigarettes in your purse (next to your cell phone), and each of your seven children are playing their own PSP’s.
49. RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress.
50. You've ever listed a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk".
51. You roll your eyes at the man who is covered in tattoos but states he is terrified of needles.
52. You don't ask "frequent flyers" their history, you know it by heart.
53. Your idea of a good time is a Code Blue at shift change.
54. Your favorite hallucinogenic is exhaustion.
55. You laugh when your patient complains they have been waiting for over an hour.

Yeah I love being an ER Nurse

How I Spent my 4th of July

I didn't have the usual 4th of July weekend. My celebration of independence was spent at my second home--the ER. I was just made a charge nurse (TL) in the last few weeks. Because we are so short staffed my orientation shifts are my regular ones with a backup TL there for questions. I got report, was handed the phone, and dove into the chaos. The best description of this job is to direct the chaos. I assign patients to rooms, answer ambulance calls, take care of complaints, be a back up nurse to my staff, take care of patients, and yeah a lot more.

The night wasn't too bad until I got a call from down south. They called to tell me they had a trauma coming up and would need to land in an hour. This group is not allowed to land on the Lifeflight pad because last time they blew the door off the helicopter. Reminded me of the time an ambulance service backed into the helicopter and dinged one of the wings. Well in order to pull that off we would need to clear out the field across the street from the hospital. People had filled the field to watch the Stadium of Fire Fireworks. Yeah that would have been fun. Luckily because of the storm and other reasons they sent the guy by ambulance. Well it all went down hill from there. During the entire day we saw 160 patients. To give you an idea we saw 70 of them between 5pm and midnight. One thing I was reminded of was how amazing my coworkers are. Despite the fact that we were understaffed and overworked they dug in until 0500 came around.

I don't know what I signed up for but this will be a good learning experience for me. I kept my head, had some fun, and crashed hard when I came home that night. We all ate our Hawaiian Haystacks though. One of my favorite meals and so delicous! I did manage to sneak out and watch the fireworks for 20 seconds. Happy 4th of July!

Accept & Trust

Pulling out of a funk is really hard to do. For the last month I have been frustrated and pushing my emotions away--thinking they would just disappear. Only to discover that they surfaced in every aspect of my life. After getting some advice from two amazing women in my life, I understood the importance of experiencing all the emotions of life.

My life is amazing--I know that. I have had so many opportunities and experiences. I have a job I love--most of the time--and supportive family and friends. Heavenly Father has blessed me incredibly. But that doesn't hide the fact I am still alone. Most of the time it doesn't bug me--but every once in a while the ache gets stronger. After having a talk with a friend she helped me see its okay to mourn that loss. My life is not how I planned it. It 's not any better or worse just different. But I still feel the pain of a loss.

Now I am taking a new step forward. Realizing the power of the Atonement is healing my heart. I've learned its not just helping me fix my mistakes but to heal the pain and aches of my heart. They don't completely go away but are softened. I've reread one of my favorite talks by Elder Oaks titled, " Timing." These quotes stood out to me:

The most important principle of timing is to take the long view. Mortality is just a small slice of eternity, but how we conduct ourselves here--what we become by our actions and desires, confirmed by our covenants and the ordinances administered to us by proper authority--will shape our destiny for all eternity.

We prepare in the way the Lord has directed. we hold ourselves in readiness to act on the Lord's timing. He will tell us when the time is right to take the next step. For now we simply concentrate on our own assignments and on what we have been asked to do today.

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ prepares us for whatever life brings. This kind of faith prepares us to deal with life's opportunities--to take advantage of those that are received and to persist through disappointments of those that are lost. When we do this, we will have a constancy in our lives that will give us direction and peace. Whatever the circumstances beyond our control, our commitments and standards can be constant.

Commit yourself to put the Lord first in your life, keep His commandments, and do what the Lord's servants ask you to do. You do not know what will happen. Do your best on what is fundamental and personal and then trust in the Lord and His timing.

Do not rely on planning every event of your life--even every important event. Stand ready to accept the Lord's planning and the agency of others in matters that inevitably affect you.

So I will take the next step in my life in the dark and hope it is the right one. I am going back to school--yeah I thing I have brain damage. Buying a house--which a fun process of waiting and searching. And trying to figure out my new job as a Charge Nurse at work. Enjoying chick flicks & chocolate. Playing with my friends and family. I will keep planning my trips and finding new things to learn while clinging to hope.

Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God's laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance. Hope sustains us through despair. Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us.
--President Dieter F. Uchtdorf