How You Know You Are An ER Nurse

Work has been crazy this week. I continue to orient as a TL and all the chaos and stress that it creates. Nobody has died yet and I still above water. We are so short at work I have been picking up so many extras shifts. If you're wondering why I haven't surfaced--that's why. After being at work so much I have discovered a few things to show I am an ER Nurse.

1. When you see motorcycles or ATVs you think " job security."
2. People without helmets on are labeled as organ donors.
3. When Provo or Orem Ambulance calls you at 0300 you know its an overdose or drunk person.
4. You lose all faith in society as a whole.
5. You understand what the teeth to Tattoo ratio is.
6. You have every weekend free planned for the next 6 months, because they are rare.
7. You automatically assume the patient is a drug seeker when presented with the complaint of migraine, lower back pain, chronic myalgia (choose one of the above), a list of numerous allergies to meds (except Demerol), and the statement that the family doctor is from out of town...
8. You roll your eyes when the person in "the worst pain ever!" is laughing while out in triage.
9. You laugh when people call and demand to talk to the neurosurgeon.
10. You acknowledge that some people should not be allowed to reproduce.
11. You eat popcorn/chili/ or whatever is on the counter out of a bedpan or emesis basin.
12. You have wanted to kick the patient who repeatedly calls you nurse, even though you have a name tag on.
13. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "wow, it's really quiet" is uttered...
14. Your lunch break consists of graham crackers and milk in between enemas and foley caths.
15. You check to see what size IV you can place in the veins of strangers
16. You think that taking pills is not the best way to commit suicide.
17. You ask once again, what has changed in the last 2 hours to bring you in at 0200 for a problem that has bugged you for the last 10 years.
18. You have had to excuse yourself quickly to go laugh around the corner.
19. After taking care of a moldy foot you still have an appetite.
20. You get sick of the question, "What is the most disgusting thing you have ever seen?" while thinking you really DON'T want to know.
    
21. You think Haldol is the best drug ever invented.
22. You want to hurt the person who gave your psych patient the call light.
23. You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there !"...
24. You take bets on how high your regular's ETOH level is.
25. You laugh as your patient wakes up mad after you gave them narcan, and say they've been clean for a year.
26. Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
27. Your idea of a weekend is when you have more than one day off in a row.
    
28. You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.
29. You get home and realize your pockets are full of medications, alcohol swabs, needles, and NS flushes.
30. You realize when doing your laundry that 90% of it is scrubs.
31. You refuse to watch ER or any other medical show because all you do is yell at the TV.
    
32. You groan every time you hear an ambulance and say thank you to not be at work.
33. You don't panic over almost anything anymore. Blood is no big deal.
34. You can tell the difference between a seizure and when the patient is faking.
35. You have a list of people who are allowed to put a foley in you when you come in as a trauma.
36. You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see...
37. Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat...
38. You roll eyes when your patient says, "Morphine doesn't work for me. Only the one that starts with a D. D D D Dilaudid?"
39. You curse the shifts that land on a Full Moon and Christmas.
40. You aren't surprised when your overdose patients throws up the charcoal and it hits the ceiling. Luckily you are gowned and gloved ahead of time.
    
41. Your family members have to have a fever of at least 105 or be missing a limb with active bleeding in order to receive your sympathy...
42. You know all the cops and paramedics in the city.

43. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control...

44. You want to kick the patient who thought that by coming by ambulance makes them more important than your heart attack next door.
    
45. You keep your mouth shut when the patient asks if this is the first IV you've ever done.
46. Just because you say, my doctor sent me here, does not mean you get right back to a treatment room.
47. Although you’ve been in the ER four time this week, you cannot list the ER doc as your family physician.
48. Don’t tell me you have no money for medicine while you have a carton of cigarettes in your purse (next to your cell phone), and each of your seven children are playing their own PSP’s.
49. RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress.
50. You've ever listed a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk".
51. You roll your eyes at the man who is covered in tattoos but states he is terrified of needles.
52. You don't ask "frequent flyers" their history, you know it by heart.
53. Your idea of a good time is a Code Blue at shift change.
54. Your favorite hallucinogenic is exhaustion.
55. You laugh when your patient complains they have been waiting for over an hour.

Yeah I love being an ER Nurse