I grew up always thinking that life's tests and challenges had to be big life changing events. A mother dying, personal health problems, infertility, overcoming abuse, and all the other nasty challenges you hear of. Because I have not experienced enough any of those tests, I always thought I was weak for not being able to handle the events of my life.
However, the older I've gotten the more I've seen how life is simply a challenge. Some people have outside events challenge them. Most of my challenges seem to come from the inside. Most are also self-inflicted.
It amazes me how those stupid little challenges can weigh me down. To the point where it hurts to walk. To the point where all the fight is taken out of me. My heart is heavy with trying to find solutions to the stupid simple problems I face. I'm sure I'm not alone. For some reason, 2011 has been a year full of these little disappointments. Bringing back all sorts of degrading feelings I though I had moved past. I'm tired. Not just physcially, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. So I go between wanting to throw in the towel to standing up to fight again.
Today I didn't want to do either. So I compromised. The weather is beginning to turn around. The sun came out for hours. While my list went on, I took advantage of the grassy area and did something I enjoy doing. Read.
My Ultimate Reading Kit
However, the older I've gotten the more I've seen how life is simply a challenge. Some people have outside events challenge them. Most of my challenges seem to come from the inside. Most are also self-inflicted.
It amazes me how those stupid little challenges can weigh me down. To the point where it hurts to walk. To the point where all the fight is taken out of me. My heart is heavy with trying to find solutions to the stupid simple problems I face. I'm sure I'm not alone. For some reason, 2011 has been a year full of these little disappointments. Bringing back all sorts of degrading feelings I though I had moved past. I'm tired. Not just physcially, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. So I go between wanting to throw in the towel to standing up to fight again.
Today I didn't want to do either. So I compromised. The weather is beginning to turn around. The sun came out for hours. While my list went on, I took advantage of the grassy area and did something I enjoy doing. Read.
My Ultimate Reading Kit
What can I say it's my therapy and it does wonders for me.
i hope the reading therapy did some soul healing for you. i totally understand the frustrations, moments of feeling alone and tired and not getting where you want to be despite your efforts.
ReplyDeleteyou are a great person who does great things. don't throw in the towel! line upon line. precept upon precept. little steps of effort daily do more than big efforts randomly here and there. keep trudging forward and don't forget to look back and see the good ground you have covered and not even noticed!